You are in the middle of your life, doing your thing when, for the first time, a thought hits you.
“How did I get here?”
…………..then another couple
…………………………”what happened” and “where am I”
and then the ultimate and deadly question arises…..”am I happy?”
But what has started –
This can be viewed in many ways from so many directions it’s a mirror image of where we are in this life as to how we view the change that’s going on inside.
- is it just that you’d like a change in your life but aren’t sure what it is, or
- do you want to risk everything you’ve worked and lived for – for decades and just clean up your act to start again…..with a clean slate and a different perspective. (my personal favourite)
- Is it that your job has plateaued and it’s made you think…. “what next”
- is your physical appearance bringing home to you your age (and thusly your seeming limitations)
- empty nest syndrome..they’ve GONE! Time to rejoice …’isn’t it?’
- sudden awareness of the ‘groundhog day” you are experiencing
- Fearing your are too old to change – so are just ‘stuck’ in the old age syndrome that seems to start at 40 for some unfortunate people.
Is it just a bump on the road, a blip on the radar and a time for a short reflection
Whenever I mention the words midlife or middle aged or midlife crisis I am met with ‘….crickets’ and then ‘no, that’s not me, I’m not middle aged yet”.
WHY aren’t you – if you look at it logistically midlife is about 40 (half of 80)! Which to my way of thinking is awesome! – it’s time to no longer indulge in the angst of the 20’s or the expectations of the 30’s – it’s now time to question your decisions – simply because now you have time to!!
So – let’s define what a midlife Crisis is – Now remember that this is MY version learned through personal trial and error – pain and triumph – searching and finding.
There are many different versions of what this life change is, dependant on age, lifestyle, work, family. But really what I’ve figured it to be is when the life choices we made as a youngster (say about 20ish) turn into a question and not a solution.
When I was 22 I got married (after knowing my husband-to-be for 3 months). I thought this was a great decision and one that would bring me much happiness, adventure and friendship.
So I progressed through this stage of marital confusion (seriously – show me someone who is married at 22 and not confused…) to have 6 sons, work my butt off being a registered nurse, counsel by husband, retrain myself in natural therapies and then try to heal my husband, be a mother and wife and a lover, a cleaner and a friend, accountant, travel agent, deal with parents and family and all the other things that happen when we are young.
Is this ringing a small bell?
This continued for decades – somehow I managed to raise the boys although to be honest they really raised themselves – I just enforced the house rules and gave them pocket money when they did their jobs.
There were several times during my marriage that lyrics from the song….
‘If you like Piña Coladas and getting caught in the rain”
felt very appropriate and on a sentimental journey I would have followed this up. I thought maybe he IS someone I want to be with, travel with and grow old with (I did introduce Tequila into the mix at one stage out of curiosity since I didn’t know how to make a Pina Colada – with questionable results) – so the journey continued.
Until…one day…divorced, alone and lonely I realised I had to get out of the house we had lived in for 13 years.
I closed my business of 10 years, sold my home and took my youngest son travelling for 18 months.
So – Is THIS the answer to a midlife crisis? was it a midlife crisis to begin with? and if not what on earth was it?
My version of MIDLIFE CRISIS:
- the joy has left
- your life direction is unclear
- waking up doesn’t bring you joy
- apology for existing can be an hourly occurrence.
- feeling ‘too old’ for many things is very common
- no one seems to notice you or hear you any more
- you feel alone – even amongst friends and family
The above is a brief rundown of how I felt not too long ago.
I managed to remedy this by….walking away from everything for about 6 months and redefining myself and my life.
No I didn’t have any backup money, I worked and had a fair bit of debt to pay back. There comes a time when something just has to change and this was my time and my solution.
we find a lack of direction, a lack of life, and a lack of joy that leaves a huge hole in our hearts.
The next post will cover HOW to get through this unscathed and feeling refreshed.
If you can relate to the above scene – we need to talk!
I’m offering FREE 30mins coaching on this exact subject. I’d love to talk to you about it and give you some clarity for your next step.