Continued on from Chapter 4 – Searching for a Bit of Clarity when I found myself trying to find the things I was happy with in my life – clutching at straws really..

Fri 9th Oct

I’ve been on the blueberry farm for only almost 2 weeks now and it’s already starting to do it’s magic on me.

The long days of camping, cooking and living outside, working in full sun and learning camaraderie are starting to break down my shields (yep, theres’ more than one – and they are neatly categorised and intertwined in a complex, over-protective barrier).

The normal routine I had settled into of a leisurely breakfast, shower and tidying up my camp was obliterated today by a 30min notice to start work – so that leaves me 30mins to have my leisurely breakfast and do the contortionist act necessary of getting dressed in the tent (I wish I had a video of this – it would make a killing on youtube)….forget the shower this morning. Today we are working in the “tunnels”.

There are big, long white fabric tunnels on the farm, these protect the blueberries from frost and rain – and keeps the humidity in. So…we had to start early otherwise we melt in the humid sweatbox that it is after 10am….

I was happy to be out of the sun and working opposite an Irishman who was Italian (I had never met an Italian with red hair and blue eyes  – and was a bit confused and a bit thinking he was having me on)…then out of the blue, when I was starting to feel the pressure of competing in silence with the Italian/Irish guy who was getting way ahead of me there was a rush of Reggae beats through the thick, moist, heavy air. The beats were hypnotising and the rhythm was so enticing I couldn’t help myself from smiling. I could have hugged the guys who were playing this music…it was a joy to my tired, confused mind.

It reminded me of who I am and the joy inside me.

There were shouts of joy, laughter and trills bouncing through the tunnels..It was a Mardi Gras of colour and fun. I never wanted it to end.

During the lunch break we settled under a canvas gazebo, I usually have a quiet lunch and drink of water there, alone and curiously watching the backpackers from around the world chatting and laughing together, sometimes in their own language and sometimes in English when it’s a gathering of Italian, Taiwanese, French and Brazilian. There’s something beautiful about it..not sure what it is, but it always makes me happy. Today was different though, a German girl came up to me and introduced herself and we had a nice chat. This was uncalled for in the best way.

Funny how the simple things make me the happiest.

And then…..I was placed on a row with a guy who played the most violent music compilation I have ever heard. Some people here have speakers fitted to their belts or in their pockets so we all have to listen to their music choice and generally I can cope with it…but this guys music was something else. There was so much swearing, insults and just basic violence in his music I started to pick fruit quicker so I could move ahead in the row and not hear it…don’t ask me why I didn’t just go to the other end of the row and pick in silence – because the answer is “I was scared I’d offend him”!!?

But in the end it did work out – I picked so fast that I picked 18 buckets – my record by 4 so far!

Then when I got home I made some sweet potato chips – happy happy days.

It was a day of lessons for me.

  • Things are nowhere as bad as I think they are
  • People are trustworthy
  • People are kind and can be so much fun at times.
  • Joy is infectious.
  • I realised that I haven’t been laughing though. Maybe its because Im still getting used to this new life of mine and it will come spontaneously soon.
  • I miss laughter.
  • At this rate I might even have money in the bank soon!

Ok, time to go and chill in my chair, check out the stars, enjoy my little spot.
Sat 10th Oct
Today was another good day
I did 18 1/2 buckets!! I could have done more but we finished early for the day – thats $185! yay!

I’ve figured out that when I eat carbs at night I have much more energy during the next day. So its been chips, sweet potato or brown rice at night lately and I’m feeling much better.

I’m learning to forgive people more, not judge then…so much.

Tonight there is a party at someones house nearby and most people from the camp are going. They are getting all dressed up and hyped and look so different to the semi-dressed, unkempt appearance they usually have, they are barely recognisable.

I remember the times I felt like that as well, it was so exciting.

These parties are a regular event here, lots of drinks and drugs….not my style at all. I’m such a party pooper now – and it isn’t a case of  never having partied – it IS a case of “I know how I will feel the next day” and the conversations are dead boring when people are off their tree.

Now I’m so happy to not be there, to not have that feeling up…then down..and with the feeling awkward in the middle.

its 8pm now, I’m super tired, dinner is made and lunch is ready for tomorrow, hoping for another big day!! woo!

I did a wonderful meditation last night outside, I am going to do it again tonight. Its a perfect way to end the day. Living outside like I do now, grabbing any good weather is a must.